preparing every part for you

Beginning to pray in earnest, truly seeking. Opening my heart to God. Asking to see his face and hear his voice. I feel close to him today. Sweet Elohim. 

Spending quality time with Scott. He held me when my heart broke with sadness yesterday. I don't know why it broke with sadness, but it did. Sometimes there's only so much sadness a heart can take at one time. Among many things, I thought of my dad, and how he won't meet Finn. Somehow I feel that he will know Finn anyway. I just wish Finn could have met dad. I wish Scott could have met him, too, though the two are very close in my heart. 

Reading many books lately. It's summertime, and I have about ten books in mind that I would like to read. Not to mention the sprinkling of baby and parenting books we bring home from the library. 

Birth classes start June 2nd. I don't know what we'll be covering in them, probably everything from the emotional/physical/mental/spiritual journey of pregnancy and birthing, to all the stuff that comes afterwards. Parenting, recuperating, etc. I rarely grasp the truth of the life that lives inside me. It's a truth so large I can't quite wrap my mind around it most of the time. 
I love feeling him move. 


the transfiguration

Well, the semester is finally over.
Scott's mom went back to Atlanta today. She's been here since Tuesday, and her visit was wonderful. She's great, and a very lovely guest, just letting us take her where ever, and very flexible about everything. 
This evening I planted (sprinkled over turned over soil) some flowers. We'll see what grows. This week, hopefully, I'll begin my painting projects. The living room - beige walls and white trim, and the baby's room - green! I finished the bathroom project and it looks wonderful. It's amazing how the small details really pull the room together. The goal with this apartment is to phase out of our college-y stuff (like burlap coffee bags on the walls), and begin to have nice things. I see a dining room table and chairs in our near future, and maybe another bookshelf. 
For baby news - I haven't updated in a long time! We had the ultrasound last week. It's a boy! We're going to name him Finn, so we just need to figure out a middle name. Scott likes the name Jackson, I like Wyatt, Scott's mom likes Andrew or Lewis. If I were still of the persuasion, I'd do numerology charts on all of them to find out which name held the best traits. 
Oh, when we saw him in the ultrasound the technician said that he was measuring around 20 weeks, not 22, so that gives me a new due date of September 21st. So I had to redo the markings on my calendar. But it gave me relief as to why I hadn't been feeling him move very much - he was still so small! Now I feel him move every day, very often. I feel him most when I am sitting still or lying down, but every now and then when I'm at work or something I'll feel a movement. It's an incredibly special feeling. Scott has felt him two or three times, and I love seeing his face light up when he feels his boy move. 
I'm having problems deciding what to buy at the grocery store - I dislike planning meals, but I need to start doing that again - or else we have no food! Anyway, I'm excited that the semester's over, because work will slow down, I'll have time for painting the house, and hopefully a little more time with Scott, though he'll be super busy. My wish is that I would be able to make it to Isle of Palms this summer, but I just don't know yet how that would work out. Scott probably wouldn't be able to go, unless we went when his summer school was over, but that would be in August, and I'd be super pregnant then, maybe not up for spending time in the sun. We'll see. Right now I'm just relishing Finn's little movements, and the early gifts we've received (crib, changing table, stroller), and thinking about our lives together, the three of us.