you may already be dreaming

31 weeks (last week)

I feel like I can't possibly get any bigger, but today I'm at 32 weeks, so I still have 8 to go, and only one way to grow - out! 

Today's my baby shower. I'm skipping church this morning . .  just relaxing at home. I worked late last night and couldn't get to sleep very well. Being huge makes it hard to fall asleep, especially when I wake up all over again every time I turn over. Yesterday a couple friends brought me a rocking chair, which I really wanted. It was a wonderful surprise! I sat in it and rocked for about ten minutes . . . long enough to worry my dog, who stood, whining, looking at me. Probably wondering how this chair was taking me so far away from him - I just sat there, staring out into space. Thinking about holding Finn, instead of only feeling him move inside me. 

God has blessed me greatly recently - he heard the desires of my heart and answered them. He's provided a way for me to stay home with the baby, so I just have to work until I take my maternity leave, at 38 weeks. I'm excited about leaving work. I can't yet imagine not worrying about brewing iced coffee, stocking the condiment bar, etc, but I'm sure it will be wonderful. Maybe a bit lonely, but hopefully I will reach out to community if I feel lonely. I have so many friends here who have expressed great interest in babysitting, or coming over to hang out with me and the baby. 

In a couple weeks we're taking a road trip to Michigan. I'll get to meet my pen pal for the first time, and attend her wedding. She and Scott have been friends for years, but I've never met her. We just write letters to one another. We'll also see a couple who has been really important in Scott's life, his good friends. I've never met them either, but I know they're great people. It will be a nice break from Missouri, that's for sure. 

Sometimes I feel so ready to have Finn in my arms that I forget about the labor part. The other day was the first time I doubted my choice to have a natural birth, simply because I felt annoyed at the thought of all that pain standing in between me and my baby. Truthfully, though, I'm still bent on natural birth, and I know the process will be wonderfully, though hard. A rite of passage, a step into womanhood, a shared experience between me and the baby. Just two months away . . .