someone told me you're still pretty

Taking a break from homework . . .  
My dreams have been vivid, and detailed. When I wake up I feel I've lived an extra three weeks. No baby dreams, just weird, intricately detailed, long dreams. 
I still don't comprehend that we're having a baby. A real, live human baby. That will grow into an adult one day. I just hope I can have a good relationship with my children. Is that too much to ask? It seems that most adults still feel misunderstood by or estranged from their own parents. Maybe it's just the way of things. At least I have Scott to grow old with, and that's an incredible blessing. I get excited thinking about our lives together, growing old, raising kids, sharing experiences. Marriage is a really special bond, that becomes more appealing and precious the longer I spend married. Scott is also a great husband, which makes loving marriage and loving him easy. 

I've been worrying about the semester a lot lately, but I really don't have that much to do, it just seems to be looming. A few projects, some papers, a number of mugs and pitchers. It will be over with before I know it, as per usual. This summer is the last of my time living without children. I wonder if I will look back on this time and have completely different thoughts. 
I hope to paint the living room, and maybe our room, and possibly the bathroom this summer. We'll be arranging and rearranging furniture, to get ready for the baby. I'll be working, and he'll be working and going to full-time summer school, so it may be hard for us to have much time together. I hope I can just be a content wife, to help how I can, and not demand too much from him. It's easy for me to have a discontent mindset, and feel self-pitying, thinking that "I do it all", when it's clear that we're both just young and overly busy. Well, Scott seems to thrive on stress. He's definitely in a much better place than that first semester here. I just pray that after he graduates, and I finish my last bit of school, that we can leave Missouri. It's not that Missouri is terrible - it's not, but I am afraid of getting stuck here. That's the plain truth. 

Had the top right wisdom tooth removed. I absolutely love my dentist. He's never weird, he's just nice, and gentle. I couldn't have an IV or gas, since I'm pregnant, he just had to numb it locally, which meant that I couldn't feel pain, but I felt the pressure and was wide awake for the procedure. Then I spent a day and a half eating soft foods, and my stomach was upset from too much dairy. Yogurt, ice cream, mac and cheese, etc. Most soft things seem to be dairy related. Scott served my soft-scrambled eggs with applesauce. I think it's healing well, and luckily it hasn't hurt very much, since I can only take tylenol to alleviate the pain. 
I'll be 19 weeks along on Tuesday. 
It still doesn't really feel like I'm growing a baby inside of me. It just seems like sleeping on my stomach is beginning to feel weird, and that I have to wear stretchy pants all the time. I am still waiting to feel baby move. Scott's begun saying things to the baby. Sometimes he jokes around and tells the baby it's grounded, but sometimes he's really sweet and says he loves the baby and tells the baby goodnight or something. 

Even though I have an amazing community here, and I love the friends I've made, it's still sad that I can't be around the tribe while going through pregnancy for the first time. I just wish they could see me, and I could be with them, and the baby could hear their voices. 
I guess we'll try to make it to GA in the winter to visit my entire family, Scott's family, and the tribe, etc. So much for my annual post-Christmas party in Atlanta. I wonder what the boys will think, with a baby in the family now. I can't wait to see them all hold the baby. And my grandmom will meet her first great-grandchild. All of my aunts and uncles will be great-aunts and uncles. And my mom will be a grandmother. It's so weird, that having a baby will change so many lives. What a special little baby. Sometimes I think about this pre-baby life, and I can't wait to share my thoughts and experiences with my child. Other times I am hesitant as to what will be appropriate to share or not. I wonder how Scott will be as a father. I know he'll be a wonderful one, I'm just curious to see how he will respond and interact with a child. I guess our lives are changing forever. 

1 comment:

Danyell said...

So many of the thoughts that are going through my head as we prepare to prepare :)

I am thrilled that you baked us all a nephew, and we will all be very understanding of your early scheduling and your responsibilities. Not that we won't tease you mercilessly, but what are friends for?