the light and the sound

today i felt like an obligation.
he says he spends all his time with me. i didn't realize he felt like that. i feel like i never see him. am i too demanding?
welcome to married life.
sometimes i feel like i do everything - meaning i plan meals, cook, grocery shop, do the laundry, keep the house clean. on top of school and nearly a full time job. he studies, has school and two jobs. i guess that makes us about equally busy. so when we do have a miraculous hour or two free at the same time, i love spending it with him. i love him! and therefore love spending time together. apparently that's more one sided than i realized.
at the same time, i by no means want to stifle him. again, i love him! i want him to be happy, spending his time in a way that makes him feel productive and content. if that means away from me, so be it. but he has to find a way to effectively communicate that to me. and in response, i have to respect his needs as i learn them through our communication.
it sounds so simple and dry when i lay it out like this.
earlier it was a constant tumble and tangle of emotions, with one of us walking off and the other left behind, both needing comfort and understanding.
i pray for resolve.

1 comment:

Danyell said...

Had to come back to this one. Again. I worry about this for you being at home full time. He may feel that it's your "job" to be doing all the stuff at home, since he's doing all the out of home work. The problem is, there's no break when your home is your job! That's the absolute truth that I learned from my six-month hiatus.

I don't know. I guess what I mean is, I totally, totally know this feeling, rational or not.