no idea what you're talking about

we made love but love felt like pain. it didn't last that long, so why stop it?
passive, at best.

afterwards i simultanously pined for an old lover and hated myself for pining. useless, and disrespectful. fruitless and painful to remember a perfect chemistry and feel. besides, that's all we had, so why mourn.

tonight i'm with the neighbors. he's working. i'm teaching sean how to cook rice. i'm drinking two beers. high alcohol content. sometimes, do you feel like deconstructing?
i miss kissing women.
i miss kissing other men.
not a healthy lifestyle, i'm sure. drunk and drugged, charmed.

one time justin and i stole christmas lights from an unsuspecting suburban manicured lawn. we took them back to his room. i took my clothes off. he wound me up in lights. he plugged them in. we marvelled at the glow, the beauty, the female form wrapped in a light giving source.

tonight we're listening to the new radiohead. even though the album is new, the sounds bring back memories of justin, who i'm realizing is one of my best friends ever. i miss our long talks. sitting across from one another in a hammock on his apartment porch. swinging high on the second story. passing the red wine. time for another bottle. wrapped up to stave off the cold.