you reel me out and you cut the string

if you had long hair, i'd french braid it.

no wonder i'm the only one who could take a great photo of you. i'm the only one you'd open your face for.

life is constantly changing, indeed.
for the first time, marriage feels oppressive. i wonder if he knows me. i wonder if he really sees me. i know he loves me, of course, of course. we seem to never spend real time together. the hum drum drone of days has taken over our former rhythym of life together. where's the beat? the movement? the melody?

and now this surprise. coming from left field, yet ever so close. had always been so close that it looked far away. like a spider dangling from a silk thread in a window.

"so don't get any big ideas
they're not going to happen"

but if i weren't married, i would just be single. what would be better? i'm lonely enough as it is. what would i do differently, besides sleep alone?
i wonder if he thinks these things, too. how do you ask your husband if he wishes he weren't married? that's not a question i'd dare to whisper in the dark, even. unless he was already asleep. then i could unleash that whisper thought, and let it settle into his subconscious mind, sifting through like sunlight through barn wood beams. falling softly, in particles, mingling with dust and hay.

instead, i'm cooking spinach lasagna.

"i'd get eaten by the waters
and weird fishes"